As has been eluded to in my previous post, I am currently doing a course in entrepreneurship.
On of the core facets of the course is to look at ones internal mindset that would either enable or disable success.
One point of the core facet is a technique called the Dickens Process, an NLP technique used by many coaches and, probably most prominent of these, Tony Robbins.
I won’t go into the details about the technique here – there are plenty of resources on the internet that you may dig up on your own to obtain it, should your urge be strong enough. I will just say this: If you have some idea or inkling that there is something about you, some core belief or value that you know deep down is really not serving you, and tends to only bring you pain and suffering, to whatever degree you may find, and if you are holding on to this core belief for whatever reason even in spite of it mainly being bad for you, then I most definitely encourage you to search on this topic and try it on for yourself.
Anyway, to the topic at hand.
For the longest time I’ve put off things that I wanted to do or stopped myself from achieving and experiencing the joys I deep down want. I always tend to conjure up some or other rationalized excuse or justification for why I could not do them, achieve them, experience them.
Thoughts like, “I”m not worthy”, “I don’t know enough to even start trying”, “I will surely fail”, “I can never do that”, “People will despise me if I do that”, “it’s too expensive”, and on and on the list goes. I am sure some of you knows what I’m talking about. That little voice inside your head that tells you anything and everything that would prevent you from doing or experiencing the joys you truly want.
And I’m sure many of you who has experienced such thoughts, also have looked into all manner of self-help resources that would somehow help you to do, get, or experience those things in spite of these thoughts. But then, how many of you who have done these have actually followed through on implementing all those strategies? Or how many of you have drilled those techniques into your mind, with little to no success?
I know I have. Countless times. All sorts of different ideas and techniques. And yet no matter how hard I tried to “talk” myself into believing, it never seems to work. Well, at least not for me.
I’m a feeling person, a sensitive, and looking at things now it seems crazy that I’ve never been able to touch upon this previously. The thing that was missing, was not capability, or knowledge, or strategies. I have plenty of those, and yet, I could never seem to “get myself behind” the very idea, thing, or experience I want to see realized.
What’s missing is feeling. Emotion. A deep and true subjectively personal connection to the object, experience, or goal you want to achieve. And the clue is even in that last sentence. It is, ultimately, about the experience. The feeling in your bones and flesh of how it is to experience the joy and elation of having achieved or gained, whatever it is you want to achieve or gain.
Thoughts and ideas are truly meaningless without the feelings of experience that go along with their manifestation. Human brains are not computers, in spite of computers having been modeled on them extensively. A major part of the human experience is emotion. The physical feeling we experience in a particular context. And this, ultimately, is what drives us. Yes, even the cold, expressionless scientists have feelings and emotions, whether they be good or bad, they’re exist.
And this is precisely why exclusively mind-focused processes rarely work when trying to change something that is rooted in feeling.
This is also the primary reason why so many of us, myself most definitely included, fail to truly change the patterns of behavior we deep down want to change. It’s because that change would mean pain. That change would mean discomfort. That change would mean a ripping out of the familiar core beliefs about what it feels like to not have what you want, on an emotional level, and replace it with the actual feeling of having changed.
Thing is, no one really knows what it feels like to experience something they’ve never experienced before, and so they go to where it’s familiar. Into the painful feeling, desensitized by over-rationalization and justification.
That’s it. Desensitization by over-rationalization and justification. Because the feeling of changing is painful, it’s easier to just think about changing, wanting to change on a mental level, and then coming up with rational and logical excuses of why that change is not possible. The mind can go in circles like these forever and ever if you let it. It’s…”clever”, like that.
But the truth is, nothing is impossible. It really isn’t. How many times have people in the past said that something can not be done, only until someone came along and showed everybody else that it can, in fact, be done. Flight? Electricity? The wheel? Spaceflight? The list goes on.
The question is not whether or not you can or cannot do something, achieve something, experience something. No. The question is this:
Do you want to? Do you will it? Or don’t you? Do you want to experience something in your core, in spite of the pain you might need to go through to get to it?
Will you, or won’t you? There is no can’t.
There also is no “try”. Again, this is rationalized thought that opens up a backdoor of possibility that you will fail, an rational excuse that you can fall back on, and so the energy you put into it from the start it diminished…
Sure, you might fail the first time. You might fail the second time. And the third, and the fourth….maybe even the 99th time. That still doesn’t mean that it’s impossible.
It only means that you chose to give up before finding the correct solution, technique, process, or whatever. The questions are thus:
How many times will you go for it? Or won’t go at all?
Will you give up? Or won’t you?
Will you go on? Or won’t you?
Will you explore different ways? Or won’t you?
Now of course it’s perfectly OK for you to choose to not continue with something or not attempt it at all at any given time. Not everything is worth willing into existence.
But that is not the point here. The point is to realize that it’s never about whether or not something is possible or not. It’s about knowing that to claim that something is impossible to do, thus giving you an easy “out” to not even try at all without the stupid embarrassment of not owning up to your integrity, is entirely false. Truly, that is irrelevant.
The only thing that is relevant, is whether you will, or whether you won’t.
Will you love yourself enough to experience the joy you want, to feel it coursing through you like electricity? Or won’t you?
Will you love others with your deepest being and see the smiles on their faces and laughter in their bodies as they experience your love within the core of their being? Or won’t you?
I am no expert at the things I want to see and the things I want to gain in this life. All because I did not allow myself to for the most part.
But I will tell you this: No longer will I fool myself by the lies that any of it is not possible, or that I’m not worthy of feeling the joys I want to feel. I am alive, and that alone gives me equal right to feel every bit of joy, pleasure, and love as any other living being in existence. The same goes for you.
Either I will go for it, or I won’t. But I know that the pain of not experiencing any of it for the rest of my life, is greater than I am prepared to accept. So I will go for it.